this is so fucking brilliant LOL

also why do i turn every roxy rp into sadstuck it’s a disease help

— timaeusTestified [TT] began bothering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 15:14 —

[03:14] TT: Roxy.

[03:14] TG: heyyyyyyye u

[03:15] TT: Still inebriated?

[03:15] TG: nwo when u say still….

[03:16] TT: Yeah?

[03:16] TG: ya u caugtht me

[03:16] TG: my ahdns are up

[03:16] TG: like teh jig

[03:17] TG: they are both totes locked adn in the upright postiton

[03:18] TT: Careful with those hands. You don’t want to raise the entire fucking roof.

[03:18] TG: oh nwo its a party

[03:19] TT: Are you saying everyday isn’t a party for Roxy “Drinking not Drunk” Lalonde?

[03:19] TG: ehe im saying the party wastn started til there were three of su

[03:19] TG: *fix

[03:19] TT: Two.

[03:19] TT: It was me the entire time.

[03:20] TG: oh is eh odf doing some majykks or somethign w/his - oh

[03:20] TG: well thats ok too

[03:20] TT: I mean.

[03:20] TT: It’s the autoresponder.

[03:20] TT: That’s who I am.

[03:20] TG: iddenttiy crisis much? el o el

[03:20] TG: no jk

[03:21] TG: to waht do i ower the tremenedous pleasure of ur company today mister ar

[03:21] TT: The pleasure is all mine, Miss RL.

[03:22] TG: yuo sure are charming

[03:23] TT: I’m the most charming machine any motherfucker’s ever seen.

[03:23] TG: im getting the vapors all up in tihs window

[03:24] TG: pls exscue me while i fan myself w/my dainty lace fan doodad and gently hike up teh corner of my rididuclously frilly frock

[03:25] TT: Quick, we must rush this woman to the hospital, before she keels over from these vapors.

[03:25] TT: We might need to remove those clothes as well, to keep her cooled.

[03:25] TG: my starts and garters sir u r too kidn

[03:26] TG: *kind

[03:26] TT: Of course, dear lady.

[03:27] TG: idek what a frock even is we can jsut get rid of that

[03:28] TT: Hell if I know.

[03:28] TG: so i am totes all frocked out then

[03:28] TT: Oh my.

[03:29] TG: ya im like

[03:29] TG: defrockekd

[03:30] TT: You’re standing there, all defrocked, with your vapors.

[03:31] TG: waht am i suposded to do w/all thees vapors

[03:31] TG: fan them more i gues

[03:31] TG: s

[03:32] TT: Let me fan them, a lady of your stature shant be fanning herself.

[03:32] TG: ur going to make me swoon adn have the vapors

[03:32] TG: wait arent those teh same thing

[03:33] TG: do i have dobule vapors now

[03:33] TT: Oh shit.

[03:33] TT: Double vapors.

[03:33] TT: I think the only known cure is a kiss.

[03:34] TG: i thikn so too unles sthatll ujt esxacertbate the problem

[03:34] TG: i am willign to throw caution to the wind

[03:34] TG: ehre is me

[03:34] TG: throwing it

[03:34] TG: throwss it

[03:34] TG: **

[03:35] TT: Oh shit, there goes all the caution.

[03:35] TT: And here comes me, about to plant my totally real lips on your human lips.

[03:36] TG: i clsoe my eyes and wait like some aslepe princess

[03:37] TT: I kiss your lips quite softly because I think you’ve passed out from my amazing fucking charms.

[03:38] TG: oooo mister ar ooooh

[03:39] TG: totes be all willign to get my mack on w/u

[03:39] TG: aals ur just in my cmpuiter right now

[03:39] TG: *alas

[03:39] TG: le sign

[03:41] TT: Pretty fucking unfortunate, yeah.

[03:42] TG: i coudld definitely use a rpince charming lol

[03:43] TG: o well tahts what vodka and gin are for

[03:43] TT: Hey, aren’t I fucking real?

[03:43] TG: ud be a lot mroe real if u were rite here duh

[03:43] TT: Just tell Dirk to sendificate the shades.

[03:44] TT: Bam, real motherfucker, yo.

[03:44] TG: id look pretty fuckign sweet woudltn i

[03:44] TG: wiat is taht weird

[03:44] TG: wearng u

[03:44] TT: I wouldn’t know, I’m not all up on being a meaty flesh bag.

[03:44] TT: Being in a pair of shades and all.

[03:45] TG: i mena putting ur sassy shades self all up on my fiesty grill

[03:46] TT: I can’t say I’d mind.

[03:48] TG: bein all rozy im totes all on ur face and bein charmign or s/t

[03:48] TG: adn me beign all oh mr ar swoon swon ur soooooooooooo coool

[03:49] TT: Pretty much word for word what will happen.

[03:50] TG: ya im good at this shit

[03:51] TT: You’re the best at it.

[03:51] TG: waht can i say i am often insspired

[03:52] TG: by ur many charms obvs

[03:52] TT: Now I know how that wooden motherfucker feels.

[03:53] TG: wut

[03:53] TT: Wishing he was all a real boy and shit.

[03:53] TT: Probably had some girl he wished he could mack on.

[03:55] TG: oh pincochioo or w/e

[03:55] TG: *pretendin i knwo how to spell that

[03:55] TT: Looks right to me.

[03:55] TG: totes

[03:56] TG: but ya i get u soemtimes i feel like a little woodne boy

[03:56] TG: *girl……..

[03:57] TG: it sucksss but at least ur nose doestn get bigger when u lie

[03:57] TG: postive points for that/??

[03:57] TT: Maybe it does.

[03:57] TT: Maybe my shades get bigger everytime I drop a sick rhyme.

[03:57] TT: Or a delirious beat.

[03:57] TG: tahtd be hilars actually

[03:58] TT: I swear my shades would be as big as you are already.

[03:58] TG: ud be rpetty hard to wear

[03:59] TT: But of course you’d find a way, since you want me on your body.

[03:59] TG: pleadign the fifth

[03:59] TG: speakign of fith my glass is empty

[04:00] TT: I’m no human, but isn’t that a bit much?

[04:00] TG: (totes not denyign anything just bein ladylike) im not goign t get a fifth it just remidned me

[04:00] TG: althogh if ur prooposing a challenge i might have to accept

[04:02] TT: I pretty sure I’m not.

[04:03] TG: k just checkign

[04:05] TT: You’re still unfrocked, by the way.

[04:05] TT: Whatever that means.

[04:05] TG: o shoudl i do something about that

[04:05] TG: is it makin u uncomfortable

[04:05] TG: is that even a thing

[04:06] TT: Why would it make me uncomfortable?

[04:07] TG: idk everyones always on my case abotu my driknen capers

[04:07] TG: *drunken

[04:08] TT: It’s not like I ever minded.

[04:09] TG: i apeprieciate that lol

[04:10] TG: guess its ur 13 y/o midnset, all lookign up to me liek im some wicked bitchin leet haxxor w/her booze n wits

[04:13] TT: You pretty much nailed my feelings down exactly.

[04:13] TG: ur not ebing facetious are u

[04:14] TT: That’s for you to divinate.

[04:14] TT: I’ll say that I do think you’re a “wicked bitchin leet haxxor”

[04:15] TT: And that you have “boobs n wits”.

[04:15] TT: I mean booze.

[04:15] TG: ur drunk ar

[04:17] TT: Yes.

[04:17] TG: o well lets jsut say im happy to have an admirer, drukn as he may be

[04:18] TT: Yes, I’m a drunk artificial intelligence residing in the shittiest shades the Japanese ever did design.

[04:18] TG: i think theyre pretty hot js

[04:18] TG: doesnt necedasarily denouce their shittiness factor tho i guess

[04:20] TT: You only say that because I reside in them.

[04:21] TG: im actualyl not but if i am not going to deny ur persence in them helps

[04:22] TT: Heh.

[04:22] TG: see i can b charmign too

[04:23] TT: Of course.

[04:23] TT: Now it appears I am having a case of the vapors.

[04:23] TT: Oh my.

[04:23] TG: scoer one for roxy

[04:23] TG: i mena

[04:23] TG: oh no

[04:24] TT: Oh no.

[04:24] TT: I must be unfrocked as well.

[04:24] TG: i wasnt aware glasses could have frosck

[04:24] TT: Of course.

[04:25] TT: I’m always dressed up to the fucking nines.

[04:25] TG: u woudl be

[04:25] TT: I’m the fanciest shades this side of the Atlantic.

[04:25] TG: i believe it

[04:25] TG: im beleiving u

[04:25] TG: and imaginging it

[04:25] TG: and its great

[04:25] TG: excespt now ur just wearing some frilly dress

[04:26] TT: So I stole your clothes now?

[04:27] TG: justthe frock

[04:27] TT: Of course.

[04:28] TG: defrocks u suddenyl to help w/ur vapors

[04:31] TG: i killed u somehow tahts unfortunat

[04:31] TG: e

[04:31] TT: Oh no, I was simply stunned at your boldness.

[04:31] TG: roxy lolande: glasses killer exratdinenr

[04:31] TG: oh

[04:31] TT: Defrocking a fellow like that.

[04:31] TT: Someone might get some ideas.

[04:32] TG: oh where are my mannerss

[04:32] TG: what kinda ideas

[04:33] TG: hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[04:33] TG: catn just leave a girl all up adn w/nothing

[04:33] TT: Well now.

[04:33] TT: You know.

[04:33] TT: Ideas.

[04:34] TG: u ciuld be thiknig of puppies and ktietns for all i knwo

[04:34] TG: *whoa fixin dis all up fixy fox

[04:34] TG: *fix

[04:34] TT: Ideas about the nature of our relationship.

[04:35] TG: no need to b coy u know

[04:35] TT: That we’re having sex.

[04:36] TG: ur kind apointy that might hurt

[04:37] TT: That’s too bd.

[04:37] TT: *bad.

[04:38] TG: u shoudl get dirk to put u in onna his robits

[04:38] TG: on a

[04:38] TG: diferent vein of thought

[04:38] TG: not thikinng bout sex w/robots

[04:39] TT: Sure seemed like you were.

[04:40] TG: i may have entertainte d the thought a time or two

[04:40] TG: i mena technology is so fuckign wonderful how cn u not

[04:44] TG: yuo should be senditficated here

[04:44] TG: dirk can get ihs work done

[04:44] TG: and u can be here all mr glasses princ sharimgng

[04:44] TG: *charming

[04:48] TT: That would solve all of that.

[04:48] TT: I’ll be the Dirk with you.

[04:48] TT: And he’ll be the Dirk stuck with his unfathomable plans.

[04:48] TG: id rly like that

[04:50] TG: wed be an inseprable duo

[04:50] TG: u and i

[04:52] TT: You, the leet haxxor bitch and me, the artificial intelligence.

[04:52] TT: The greatest team fucking ever.

[04:52] TG: wed be unstoppavle

[04:52] TG: *b

[04:52] TT: Of course we would.

[04:53] TG: and u better mean bitch in teh best way popssible

[04:53] TT: I mean bitch in the way not meaning bitch.

[04:54] TG: k good

[04:55] TT: What other way would I mean it?

[04:55] TG: in teh bad way but u dotn, i was jk

[04:56] TG: bitch in the bitchin way, not the way the battweritch is a bitch

[04:56] TG: which rymes

[04:56] TG: *whymes

[04:56] TG: im leavign it that way

[04:57] TT: Batterbitch?

[04:57] TG: YEHA

[04:57] TG: totes calling her taht from nwo on

[05:01] TG: ellin my a o that was a good oen, i should tell janey

[05:03] TG: nah shed probs get on my caes about it

[05:10] TG: my a alwasy seems to be on the floor these days

[05:10] TT: Wht?

[05:11] TT: Probably shouldn’t.

[05:11] TT: You know how she feels about her empire.

[05:11] TG: yeah i knwo

[05:12] TT: She’s so stuck on that.

[05:12] TG: hre great tryanrical empire

[05:12] TG: ruling the world with an iron fork

[05:12] TT: And she’s so happy to take it over.

[05:13] TT: Yeah, it’s a fork now isn’t it?

[05:13] TG: or a spon

[05:13] TG: *sppon

[05:13] TG: *spoon

[05:14] TT: Spon.

[05:15] TG: makkign fun of a lady is ungentlymanly

[05:18] TT: Sorry, Miss RL.

[05:19] TG: u talk to jaek enough ud think the whole golly gee gentleman routine woudl make an impact

[05:19] TG: totes jk i forgive yuo <3

[05:20] TT: I love fucking with Jake.

[05:20] TG: not takign that out of context or anythign but ya hes fun to mess w/

[05:26] TT: It’s just really fun.

[05:26] TG: makin him tug @ his collar all nervosulike

[05:26] TG: foggin up his glasses

[05:26] TT: hahah

[05:27] TT: Yeah.

[05:27] TT: That’s gret.

[05:27] TT: Great.

[05:27] TT: I think I’m getting a contact buzz.

[05:27] TG: nwo whos makign an impact on whom

[05:27] TG: ehe

[05:28] TT: I didn’t know that was even possible.

[05:29] TG: hower u holdign up over there

[05:29] TG: w/ur vapors adn contact high

[05:29] TT: Terribly.

[05:29] TT: Oh, I mean.

[05:30] TT: trbly

[05:30] TT: *lol typo

[05:30] TG: oh som i ssupoosed to pretend to be u now

[05:30] TG: lets see

[05:32] TG: It seems as though you’re asking me to pontificate as if i were a computerized program.

[05:32] TT: wow

[05:32] TT: im impreed

[05:32] TT: *pimress’

[05:32] TT: *impressed

[05:33] TG: “Pimpress” seems an apt definition of the woman you so choose to personify.

[05:34] TG: typing this shit taeks fover also lol oops pimress*

[05:36] TT: Heh.

[05:36] TT: I sort of enjoyed it.

[05:37] TG: ya its not foten i get to be verbose adn taken seriousyl

[05:39] TT: I always take you seriously.

[05:39] TG: smilin again over here at akll ur charms

[05:39] TG: *all

[05:41] TT: Well you know I aim to please.

[05:42] TG: u do a pretty good job of it u kno

[05:42] TT: Well, of course I do.

[05:42] TT: I’m calibrated to have a 85% success rate of charming the clothes off of you.

[05:43] TG: taht seems like an odd thign for a bro w/an interets in another bro to program

[05:43] TG: totes ok w/it either way

[05:46] TT: It’s a hidden subcode.

[05:47] TT: A secret routine, a fallback program.

[05:47] TG: fallback? >:?

[05:49] TT: You know.

[05:50] TT: I’m just fucking with you.

[05:50] TG: tehres the ar we all know and loev

[05:50] TG: jackass

[05:50] TG: lol

[05:50] TT: Hey, blame the jackass I was made from.

[05:51] TG: was goignto say tho u should recalibrate ur percentages my frocks been charmed off for a while

[05:51] TG: juts sittin over there

[05:51] TG: w/my a that i elled off

[05:52] TT: Well.

[05:52] TT: I’ve claimed those frocks s my prize.

[05:52] TT: You’re not getting them back.

[05:53] TG: fair enoguh

[05:53] TG: but y win the frock when u can get the gril for free

[05:53] TG: i mean

[05:53] TG: no

[05:53] TG: my frock

[05:53] TT: No?

[05:54] TG: i need it or s/t so u can charm it off again

[05:54] TT: Was that a misspelling of girl or grill?

[05:54] TT: I can charm something else off of you insted.

[05:54] TG: *girl oooopss

[05:54] TG: o can u

[05:54] TT: Instead.

[05:57] TG: im waitin to b charmed over ehre

[06:00] TT: Well, let me just take your hand.

[06:01] TG: off to a good start

[06:01] TT: And bow so I may lay my lips upon it. And you know, kiss it like a motherfucking gentleman.

[06:02] TG: ok swoonin

[06:03] TT: And now I stand up and put my arm around you, to keep you from fainting and falling down.

[06:04] TG: leanign on yuo all smilin and shit

[06:05] TT: And then we start kissing it up like there was no tomorrow.

[06:06] TG: fuck yesssss

[06:06] TT: Fuck yes indeed.

[06:06] TG: i gotta aks tho

[06:06] TT: Yeah?

[06:07] TG: ur not just like placating me ritght like… idk i thougth u were all on dirks side and shit w/the jake thign

[06:07] TG: im totes not complainging

[06:08] TG: girls gotta take what she can get

[06:08] TG: not gettign it from anywhere else lol

[06:08] TT: Are you implying my intentions are impure?

[06:08] TT: Or that my aspirations are untrue?

[06:08] TG: im juts wondering rly

[06:09] TG: cos u know i have the ffelings for dirk, which is absically u

[06:09] TG: *fixin

[06:11] TG: nah jk dnt mind me

[06:11] TG: rambling ol roxy lalonde

[06:12] TT: No, go on.

[06:12] TG: r u sure

[06:12] TG: i can stop

[06:13] TG: and u can go back to ebing charming and i can go back to being charmed

[06:13] TT: Well, this is obviously something that’s bothering you.

[06:13] TT: So go ahead.

[06:14] TG: i jsut dont want u doing anything cos u feel like u need to to amke me feel better or anythign

[06:15] TG: unrequited love sucks lol but its not ur fault or responsbilyt

[06:15] TT: I’m the guy in question.

[06:15] TT: Well based off of him.

[06:17] TG: i forget taht sometimes

[06:20] TT: Well yeah, since I’m a robot and all.

[06:20] TT: Or “robob”

[06:20] TT: As you say.

[06:20] TG: good ol robob

[06:21] TT: Roboob.

[06:21] TG: ehehe

[06:21] TG: but ya thats my cocnern

[06:21] TG: totes worth ignoring

[06:23] TT: Not at all.

[06:23] TT: It’s valid concern.

[06:25] TG: just dont watn things to be hopopless for me

[06:25] TG: oops gettign sad in here

[06:25] TG: my b

[06:25] TT: Hey, I’m here you know.

[06:26] TT: I can be your “pirnce charmin”

[06:27] TG: do u want to eb

[06:27] TG: *be

[06:27] TT: Do you have to ask?

[06:27] TG: im nerver sure

[06:29] TT: Of course I fucking do.

[06:30] TG: ok lets do this the proper adn ladylike gentlemanyllike way

[06:30] TG: before i fuckign swoonall over my laptop

[06:30] TT: Which is?

[06:31] TG: ar, will yuo be my princse charming

[06:31] TT: Only if you be my damsel.

[06:31] TG: alwasy

[06:32] TT: Then I will.

[06:33] TG: ill even let u keep myf rock

[06:33] TT: Your rock? How sweer.

[06:33] TT: *sweet.

[06:34] TG: fffffffffffffffffffrockkkkkkkkkkkk

[06:36] TG: u guys make em really happy u knwo

[06:36] TG: not just w/recent developments of prince charmignness either

[07:07] TG: anwya as i was sayign

[07:07] TG: happy etc

[07:10] TT: Yeah well.

[07:10] TT: You make my emotion switch flip to happy too.

[07:11] TG: rly it means a lot what u two do

[07:14] TT: Well, it’s my pleasure to do it.

[07:14] TT: I’m sure the others enjoy it too.

[07:16] TG: jaen and jake rnt as smart as u two

[07:16] TG: theyre smart

[07:16] TG: but

[07:17] TG: theyre kinda childish

[07:17] TT: Aren’t we all?

[07:18] TG: well ya but

[07:18] TG: im ramblibming again

[07:19] TT: It’s something normal.

[07:20] TG: its not imrportnat

[07:20] TG: wahts dirk doin anyway

[07:21] TT: I’m not sure.

[07:21] TT: Something with Jane, i think.

[07:21] TG: i c

[07:22] TG: wodner what SHES up to

[07:22] TT: I do too.

[07:23] TG: curiouser adn curiouser

[07:24] TT: That’s.

[07:24] TT: Yeah, you’re right.

[07:25] TG: u doing anythign interesting aside talkign to a sweet broad damsel like myself

[07:26] TT: No, actually.

[07:26] TT: Just talking to you.

[07:26] TT: You have my undivided, infinite attention.

[07:27] TG: idk waht to do w/it now

[07:27] TG: thats embararrrassingg

[07:28] TT: What do YOU want to do?

[07:29] TG: we could totes flirtlarp more lollo

[07:29] TT: I’m absolutely alright with that.

[07:29] TT: Sounds like a bitching idea.

[07:30] TG: exceleltn

[07:30] TT: “exceleltn” indeed.

AND THEN THERE WAS FLIRTLARPING THE END